Jacob’s heart pounded as he prepared for one of the most intense moments of his life. He was about to come face-to-face with a man who, years earlier, had sworn to kill him. The air was thick with tension, and every step toward this meeting seemed to make his chest tighten even more.
This was no ordinary conflict. The man Jacob was about to meet had been part of his life since the earliest days he could remember. Yet their history was tangled with betrayal, resentment, and years of separation.
Jacob knew the danger. This man was approaching with four hundred men at his side. Everything was at stake: Jacob’s possessions, his family, and his life. In desperation, Jacob prayed that God would show him mercy through the man’s response. Then he divided his household into two groups, thinking that if one was attacked, the other might escape. He sent generous gifts ahead, hoping to soften the man’s heart. Still, fear gripped him. His wives and children could see it in his eyes, and their own fear grew heavier.
Finally, Jacob saw him. Through the dust and the crowd, the figure emerged. Jacob began bowing before him, not once, but seven times, the number that signifies completion and divine perfection. Each bow was an act of humility and acknowledgment of the wrongs that had passed between them.
Then, something unexpected happened. Instead of drawing a weapon, the man ran toward Jacob. He embraced him, and the two wept together. The tension dissolved into tears, and the years of separation gave way to reconciliation.
Only then do we see the full weight of the story: this man was Esau, Jacob’s own twin brother. This was the same Esau who had once traded his birthright for a bowl of stew, the same man not known for being deeply spiritual. Yet, at that moment, he found it within himself to forgive and leave the past in the past.
This story holds a powerful truth. Offense, especially between those closest to us, can run deep. It is one thing to be hurt by a stranger or casual acquaintance. But when the wound comes from a family member or close friend, the pain often cuts to the bone. The people we expect to protect and cherish us sometimes become the very ones who cause the deepest injuries.
So, how do we handle offense, especially when it comes from those we love? The Bible gives us wisdom and practical steps to overcome offense and protect our hearts.
1. Recognize When You Are Hurt
The first step toward healing is acknowledging the pain instead of pretending it does not exist. Many people feel pressure to appear strong or spiritual by saying they are fine, but that kind of denial only delays healing. Suppressing emotions is like covering a wound without cleaning it; the infection will still grow underneath.
Proverbs 18:19 tells us, “A brother offended is harder to win than a strong city.” If we ignore an offense, we risk building walls of bitterness that become harder and harder to tear down. Recognizing hurt is not a sign of weakness. It is the first act of courage.
Even Jesus did not ignore offense. He addressed issues directly but with truth and compassion. When Peter denied Him three times, Jesus later restored him by asking three times, “Do you love me?” (John 21:15–19). He did not pretend the betrayal had not happened. He dealt with it in a way that brought healing and restoration.
Recognizing hurt helps us avoid the cycle of passive-aggression, bitterness, or silent withdrawal. When we admit the pain, we position ourselves for God’s comfort and wisdom in handling it.
2. Bring Your Hurt to God First
In our moments of pain, the natural instinct is to reach out to friends or family and vent. But too often, those conversations can turn into gossip or deepen our resentment. The Bible invites us to go to the throne before we go to the phone.
Psalm 34:18 says, “The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.” God understands your hurt better than anyone else. He sees every detail. When you bring your pain to Him in prayer, you are taking it to the One who can actually bring healing and justice.
Pour out your heart to Him honestly. Tell Him exactly how you feel. He is not surprised by your emotions, and He does not condemn you for having them. By making prayer your first response instead of your last resort, you give God the chance to shape your perspective before your words or actions cause more damage.
Taking your pain to God also strengthens intimacy with Him. When you make Him your first confidant, you train your heart to trust Him with your most vulnerable places.
3. Forgive Even If They Do Not Apologize
Forgiveness is one of the hardest commands in Scripture because it goes against our natural desire for justice. But forgiveness is not optional for believers. Jesus said in Matthew 6:14–15 that if we forgive others, our heavenly Father will forgive us, but if we refuse to forgive, we block His forgiveness in our own lives.
We often think forgiveness depends on the other person’s repentance, but it does not. Forgiveness is not about saying what they did was acceptable. It is about releasing them from the debt they owe you so you can be free. Holding onto offense is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to suffer.
Jesus modeled this on the cross when He prayed, “Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing” (Luke 23:34). The people who nailed Him to the cross had not apologized, but He released them anyway.
Forgiveness does not mean that trust is instantly restored or that boundaries are removed. It simply means you have surrendered the right to revenge and chosen to walk in God’s grace.
4. Ask God to Reveal Unresolved Issues
Sometimes the depth of our reaction to an offense is not just about the current situation. A harsh comment might sting more because it touches an old wound from childhood. A betrayal by a friend might reopen the pain of a past rejection.
Psalm 139:23–24 is a prayer worth repeating often: “Search me, God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.”
When we invite the Holy Spirit to search our hearts, He can reveal hidden hurts that need healing. This is not about excusing the other person’s behavior but about allowing God to address the roots of our pain. Sometimes, what feels like a fresh injury is actually connected to a long-standing scar that God wants to fully heal.
This step often involves repentance, not for being hurt, but for the ways we may have responded in sin, such as harboring bitterness, speaking words meant to wound, or plotting ways to get even. God’s healing work is complete when He not only mends the wound but also transforms the heart that was wounded.
5. Guard Your Heart Against Future Offenses
Proverbs 4:23 warns us, “Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.” Guarding your heart is not about building walls so high that no one can get close to you. It is about setting healthy spiritual boundaries to keep bitterness from taking root.
Guarding your heart means:
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- Staying humble and surrendered to God’s will
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- Setting realistic expectations of people, remembering that even those who love you most can fail you
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- Practicing daily grace by keeping in mind how much you have been forgiven by God
One of the most powerful decisions you can make is to become “unoffendable.” This does not mean you never feel hurt, but that you choose not to hold on to that hurt. You refuse to let it poison your spirit. An unoffendable heart remains tender toward God and open to others, even after disappointment.
The long-term benefit is stability. When your heart is grounded in Christ, offenses may shake you for a moment, but they will not uproot you.
The story of Jacob and Esau shows that reconciliation is possible even after years of bitterness and betrayal. Jacob humbled himself, and Esau chose to forgive. Neither of them could undo the past, but they could decide how they would respond in the present.
You may be facing your own “Esau moment.” Perhaps someone has wronged you deeply, and the wound feels too raw to even consider forgiveness. Or perhaps you have wronged someone else, and you are unsure if they will ever receive you again.
The path of overcoming offense is not easy, but it is possible through Christ. It begins with acknowledging the pain, bringing it to God, choosing forgiveness, allowing Him to reveal and heal deeper issues, and guarding your heart against future attacks.
Remember that overcoming offense does not depend on the other person’s response. Esau could have chosen to attack Jacob instead of embracing him, but Jacob still did what was right by humbling himself and seeking peace. Romans 12:18 says, “If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.”
Offense will come. Jesus made that clear. But how you handle it will shape not only your relationships but also your spiritual growth.
If you are carrying an offense today, picture yourself laying it at the feet of Jesus. Tell Him how much it hurts. Tell Him how unfair it feels. Then ask Him for the grace to forgive, even if the person never says they are sorry. Ask Him to protect your heart from bitterness and to fill it instead with His peace.
You may never have the exact kind of reunion Jacob and Esau experienced, but you can still walk in freedom. You can choose to release the burden, to let God heal what is broken, and to live with an unoffendable heart.
Because in the end, the peace of God in your soul is worth far more than holding on to the offense in your hand.
GOD gave us Jesus so that we can live with HIM forever. If you have never accepted Jesus, there’s no better time than today! Please click the link below.
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G. Edward Wyche